Assorted Thoughts 17: Fricking Finally Updating Edition

• I kind of want to put a couple playlists on my iPod purely to confuse anyone looking through it.  Title one "Dismembering Hookers Mix" and the other "Fleeing From The Cops Soundtrack."  Perhaps, for added effect, fill the first one with smooth jazz and the second with some really upbeat, happy pop music.
• I know I have left scars on at least three people from school.  The pharaohs built pyramids to ensure they were never forgotten.  I build scar tissue.
• Further adventures with Ben's gay phone: when trying to type "steer," T9 wants it to be "queer."
• Whenever I see a particularly amusingly wrong book at a bookstore (NASA EQUALS NAZIS, IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW), I definitely start humming Trololol under my breath.
• Lego: the number one reason I should never be allowed to have a debit card.
• If you see a sign promoting some charity with the title "Make an impact on an abused child's life!" and your first thought is, "What, with my fist?" you're probably a bad person.  I'm a bad person.
• My brain is upsetting.  There is absolutely no reason to ever have thoughts like "Dildos made of whales!"
• I don't know any sluts.  I do, however, know some romantic overachievers.
• I heard an ad on the radio invoking the Dalai Lama to promote a web site called "values.com."  I was sort of under the impression that the leader of the Tibetan Buddhists was not really a commercial property.  Once again, the internet educates me.
• If I had a Bag of Holding, the only things in it would be books and snacks.
• It's amazing how hard it is to be funny enough to make blog posts when you only sleep in your own bed for maybe six nights over the course of at least 30 days.

Assorted Thoughts 16: Back Onshore Edition

• There are few things more upsetting than picking up a book from a store and starting into it only to realize within the first few pages that you have already read it.  It gets even worse if you remember that it wasn't very good, either.
• I was somewhat disconcerted while lying in bed the other night when I realized that I don't really have any happy thoughts to go to if I need to clear my head.  That can't be good.
• The South may rise again.  I believe the current plan is for it to occur in 2018, and for the states to secede all the way to 1820.
• My desire to watch "The X-Files" is inversely proportional to the amount of bright sunshine outside.
• You should make like a Canadian and apologize.
• One my more unusual impulse-buying habits: berries.
• If I happen to stumble across a Little League baseball game where one of the teams is called the Yankees, it takes a conscious effort of will for me not to bellow "YANKEES SUCK!"
• If you're in a car with me and I'm listening to the radio, be prepared to hear me yell "Citation needed, dammit!" at ads or statements with some regularity.
• I am the Little Engine That Raged.
• "Biology [or other field of study] me this" is an underappreciated way to request some professional input.
• When some people have the hankering for kinky music, they listen to Rihanna's "S&M."  I listen to Tom Lehrer's "The Masochism Tango."
• Ironic thought for the day: being struck and killed in a crosswalk by a speeding ambulance.
• Great moments in off-the-cuff commentary:  "I figure you'll work it out and [guy] will figure out how to work it." – When talking to a female friend who recently entered into a relationship and is worrying a bit about bedroom compatibility.
• I've listened to the songs "Gay Bar" and "Bear Force One" enough that I'm pretty sure that YouTube now thinks I'm gay.
• Perhaps my favorite example of how bizarre and awesome the human brain can be is to think about how I can recall, on demand, the lyrics to literally hundreds of songs.  Now, if only I could do that with useful things, like classwork...