Assorted Thoughts 34: Did You Know That In 1917, Lenin Was Not In Russia Edition

• This is totally the right music to accompany looking at these photos.
• There's something really satisfying about walking past the queue for entry to a fancy-dress concert on your way to a hockey game.  Take that, intellectualism.  I will let my base instincts run wild!
• Children are bloodthirsty monsters.  A young girl sitting behind me at the hockey game was shrieking the whole night hoping for a fight, and when one happened, she started advocating for the use of skate blades as weapons.
• I really need a big red stamp that says OWNED for use annotating political articles I find posted here and there.
• Instead of being able to say "Natural and artificial flavors," when it comes to "blue raspberry" drinks, I'm in favor of only allowing them to be labeled with "unnatural flavors."
• The best way to deflate the people who think socialism is the root of all evil is to ask them why they hate football and the kind of team that makes America great.
• There is a long list of things I hate more than I have any legitimate reason to.  I have recently discovered that one of those is people using hashtags places that aren't Twitter.  For that matter, I hate people using hashtags on Twitter too, and really, Twitter in general.  But hashtags places that aren't Twitter are a much more focused hate.
• One big reason never to give me forum admin powers: I will use them to ban people who grossly abuse (read: use at all, except sparingly in satire) IMspeak.
• For me, sleep is similar to a gas in that it rapidly expands to fill all available space and time. This makes morning and/or afternoon classes a bit of an adventure at times.
• YEAH CARRIE I STOLE YOUR PHRASE.  WHAT NOW.

Assorted Thoughts 33: I Think Cockroaches Should Make SKREEEEEK Noises

• I propose a new rule for international diplomacy: whenever a major world power accuses a smaller nation that can in no way pose any serious danger to the major nation of being an existential threat, the major nation has lost the policy debate and is to be laughed out of the chamber without any action being taken on the policy they recommend.
• That means you, China arguing with Taiwan, and you too, United States curbstomping the Middle East.  Go sit in the corner and think about what you just said.
• Given the quantity of coffee and other caffeinated beverages I consume there, going in to the lab I work in is like giving my kidneys strength and conditioning training.
• Chicken and egg problem for the day (given that it's relatively simple to solve the original problem by applying a little evolutionary biology): does my cynicism help me survive being a Red Sox fan, or did it arise as a result of being a Red Sox fan?
• There is a stationary exercise bike equipped with a Google Earth connection so you can pretend you're riding the Tour de France.  That might be the saddest thing I've ever heard of.
• Depressing pickup lines, volume XXVII: "I'm usually a lone ranger, but I'm looking for a sidekick tonight."
• In totally not at all related I swear news, I have two strategies for dealing with women: PANIC and MORE PANIC.
• I have discovered a truly marvelous joke, which this blog is too narrow to contain.
• Chock Full o' Rabies is simultaneously the best and worst coffee.
• There is an ecological phenomenon known as an Alternative Stable State (ask me and I can tell you about it!  Really!  I like these things!).  Unfortunately, every time you want to talk about them, you have to write the full thing out.  Way to think about acronyms when you named it, guys.

Assorted Thoughts 32: I Think This One Is Actually A Pretty Good Post Edition

• I'm pretty sure my ability to drink 48 ounces of Mountain Dew in an hour and a half and remain living counts as a superpower.
• Granted, that superpower might also be known as "Dying of an unprecedented caffeine overdose/diabetes cocktail at age 34," but still.
• Bumper sticker I have seen: "My kid beat up your honor student."  Counter-sticker I'd like to add: "Too bad the honor student grew up to be the public defender."
• There really ought to be a club dancing-themed video game called "Personal Space Invaders."
• My strategy for avoiding awkwardness due to misreading social signals is to simply not read social signals.
• The Republican presidential debates: Alternate reality television shows.
• There has been some speculation by those who care about such things that certain legendary cryptid animals are actually aliens.  In light of this, I suggest renaming the chupacabra to the Chubaccacabra.
• In recent years, the airship has seen a resurgence of interest due to its potential for use as a long-endurance surveillance platform.  I have to wonder if DARPA is really just a big, absurdly well-funded steampunk convention.
• The university credit union has an ATM in the university center that operates off scanning fingerprints for ID.  I think I might start withdrawing money regularly just to experience the future.
• Ticking time bomb, noun: the world's most depressing form of biological warfare, involving a delayed-release capsule full of deer ticks carrying Lyme disease.
• While I'd rather have the NBA playing a season, I think it's an improvement when instead of endless rounds of mindless "analysis" 24/7, the NBA TV channel is forced to show "Teen Wolf."