Assorted Thoughts 46: Poor Sad Cubbies Edition

• This is the saddest ad I have ever seen, and I'm not afraid to say, I got something stuck in my eye while watching it.
• Vladimir Lennon: the only member of the Beatles less appreciated than Pete Best.
• Runners up: Paul McCarthy, Mandingo Starr, and George Harrison Bergeron.
• This joke got by with a little help from my friends.
• I think part of the comprehensive exams before a school lets you graduate with a degree in biology should be a test where you have to prove your worth.  You have to pet or otherwise touch three out of five harmless, but possibly gross, organisms to show you've mastered your fears of the natural world.
• "When you can touch the millipede in my hand, it will be time for you to leave, grasshopper."
• You know how if you run up a bill in a restaurant that you can't pay, you might be able to wash dishes to work it off?  Well, what happens if you're in Vegas and you can't pay at the brothel?
• Old robotics engineers don't die, they just become obsolete.
• How are the Ghostbusters like vampires?  Neither will cross the streams!
• Closed captioning for the mythologically impaired.

In Which I Attempt To Incite A Nerd Riot

One of the more common, and depressing, things people argue about on the internet is whether Star Trek is superior to Star Wars, and vice versa.  This is so often the subject of nerd-rage that Wikipedia has an article on the topic (though sadly, the talk page is mostly devoid of rage.  If you ever need to see meaningless pedantry in action, though...).  Usually, so far as I've seen, it focuses more on "Who could blow up whose ship?" and less on "Would I really want to live there?"  The sad truth is, when you look at it that way, there's a clear answer.

The Star Wars universe is one of endless possibility.  You want a wild planet filled with witches who ride giant monsters?¹ Sure!  How about a cyberpunkish cityscape?  Got that!  Technocrats?  Yep.  Cocky smugglers?  Oh yeah.  Basically, the Extended Universe has gotten large and absurd enough that anything you can imagine is probably canonical at this point.  It's hard to deny the appeal of Darth Vader, the Force, and lightsabers (just don't mention the midichlorians).  However, the downside of all this is that you will die.  Seriously.  Do you have any idea how often in the Extended Universe there are "Rocks and/or aliens fall, the entire planet dies" scenarios?  A billion deaths here, a trillion deaths there, pretty soon you're talking serious misfortune.  Grand Moff Tarkin using the Death Star to obliterate Alderaan was freaking child's play compared to the Yuuzhan Vong.  Odds are, you're not going to be a badass Jedi, you're going to be the poor sap murdered in a bar for looking at someone wrong and nobody will ever care, even when your body turns up in the local cafeteria's steam table.  Let's also remember this is the universe where slavery is reasonably common, local squalor is really squalid, and organized crime gangs don't just run parts of Mexico, they run the whole freaking planet.  It's like when the RenFaire nutballs generally forget that the laws of probability dictate that they're not going to be riding in on their mighty steed and saving the pretty princesses, but instead will be farming mud and plague and being nailed to a pole if they ever poke their heads up.

On the other hand, Star Trek's universe basically is a bunch of hyper-advanced species who all generally live decent lives.  The starting premise of the humans is that everyone got together and has a benevolent technocratic government ruling peacefully and giving everyone a fantastic standard of living.  Whee.  I could deal with that.  Hunger and illnesses are minimized or cured, there really doesn't appear to be nearly the seedy underbelly of society that exists in the galaxy far, far away, and even if you do end up dying horribly in one of the occasional devastating wars that wracks the universe, odds are that a series reboot or a time recursion or alternate universe handwave will make it all better.  Sure, things might be marginally less exciting² and you might have slightly fewer options to do whatever the hell you want and get away with it, but I think that's a fair trade for stability, safety, and living well.  I'd rather be on a five-year mission in a top-of-the-line, science-and-kickassery-ready vessel that has all kinds of creature comforts than be stapled into an armor suit that doesn't stop handgun fire and then die horribly when the ship I'm stationed on gets blown up by a bunch of plucky rebel terrorists scum, all the while not having proper safety equipment like guardrails or shielded exhaust ports.

To sum up, let's compare a few things here.  Who wins?

1. Badass starships.
• Gonna have to go with Star Wars here.  Trek gets points for effort.
2.  Utterly annoying aliens.
•  Um.  Call it a draw.
3. That one character everyone wants to be when they grow up.
• This one is another tie.
4. Hugely detailed backstory.
• Star Wars, far and away.
5. Would I ever want to live there?
• Absolutely Star Trek.  Space socialism wins the day.

1 I am ashamed to admit I knew the name of this planet off the top of my head.^↩

2 All I'm saying is that if this is significant enough to earn a page on your fanbase wiki (shut up, I know about the movie, that was just one thing and it has its own page, my point still stands), your universe might be a bit lacking in zest.^↩

Assorted Thoughts 45: I Still Think It's All Your Fault Edition

• I think I'm a video game savant when sleepy.  I get much better at a number of games when I'm only barely conscious to the point of not thinking or really seeing much beyond the screen.
• Some people get blackout drunk and do stupid things with their credit cards.  For me, it's not alcohol that does it.  I still don't know what exactly happened, but I ended up on ThinkGeek and suddenly my wallet was lighter but an awesome package was on the way.
• Based on his erratic voting record, I'm convinced Anthony Kennedy treats the Supreme Court as a giant game of D&D.
• "I rolled a 5 on the d20 of Justice.  Guess this law fails its Con save." 
• For all the griping you hear about how awkward and awful the federal government is and how much better local regions can do things, it's remarkable how much simpler the federal tax forms are compared to the states' versions.
• On a related note, apparently you can use your Facebook login to do tax preparation with H&R Block.  That seems like quite possibly the worst idea ever from a variety of standpoints - not the least of which is security.
• One of the better ideas I've ever had was to use an image of the One Ring as the icon for my folder of tax stuff.
• The best grocery store special I've ever seen: hefty chunks of cake for $1 each labeled "Oops We Baked Too Much."