Assorted Thoughts 28: And Still I Post

• Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone as told by David Icke: "Yer a lizard, 'Arry!"
• Why I would make a terrible press secretary: "Good morning.  I'd like to open this conference by saying that I can neither confirm nor deny the persistent rumors that the Senator is actually Sir Mix-A-Lot in a very convincing disguise."
• "Were there such rumors?"
• "Well, if not, there certainly are now!"
• When studying for a test on biomes, there is only one choice for pump-up music: "Eye of the Taiga."
• I can't tell whether my lab section is amused or horrified when I explain gel electrophoresis by using disposing of a body as an example.
• I-95: Florida's urethra.
• On a related note, two vanloads of college students driving to the Florida Keys lowered the average age of the state by about two decades.
• Pitch for a new TV series: Doogie Hammer, MC.
• While it was never really a life goal, I'm still kind of glad that I accidentally bitchslapped a jellyfish and came out all right.
• Apparently, one test for being an early-stage independent adult is checking your online bank balance every few hours in hopes that your paycheck has appeared.