Assorted Thoughts 29: I Like Big Squids And I Cannot Lie

• If I ever live in Canada, I will keep an English dictionary in a glass-fronted cabinet in my front hall, with a placard reading "Break glass in case of Québécois."
• What with all the upset these days about the greed of big businesses and the fact our economy seems to be made of cotton candy, it's somehow reassuring to remember that once upon a time, grave robbing was a booming industry.
• As a rule, the more fervently your high school teachers try to get you to believe something, the more likely it is that it has no real-world application at all.
• At what point did the things on Laffy Taffy wrappers stop being jokes and start being cruel mockeries of humor?  Seriously, it's like they created these solely for the purpose of twisting children's idea of what's funny into something completely alien and horrific.  Some of the ones I've found in a package I bought today:
• "What do you get when you mix paint together?  A mess."
• "What time was it when the elephant sat on the chair?  Time for a new chair."
• "What has ten letters and starts with gas?  An automobile."
• Does anyone else get the feeling that this is part of a campaign to create a generation of gray-faced proles destined for nothing more than a joyless existence of work until death?
• A good rule for life when having to feed yourself: no matter how many pizzas are already in your freezer, if they are on sale, buy more.
• I went to my first field hockey game the other day.  It was deeply confusing, since as far as I can tell, the sport resulted from a horrible drunken night between soccer and ice hockey, and neither of them wants to think about it.  The sticks are malformed golf clubs, the refereeing decisions are apparently even more arbitrary than they are in most college sports (which is saying something), and the players have to wear skirts.  But hey, the right team won.
• Hands up all who are disappointed that there was nothing in this entry expanding on the title.