Assorted Thoughts 31: Just Because I Can Update Doesn't Mean I Should, But I Will Anyway

• XXX-Linked Dominant Traits: the genetic counseling porno.
• It seems like it would be fun to set up concealed speakers along some placid river used for rafting day-trips, and have them play banjo music as the rafts pass.
• There's only one place to go for your pop-Goth farmwear: Hot Topeka.
• Apparently, I am completely incapable of making any U-turn in my car without uttering a "wheee!" sound.
• My instinctual reaction of trying to break the fall with my foot after dropping something becomes rather more hazardous when playing darts.
• Tanning salons: you may have spent your whole life in Seattle, but dammit, this is America, and you can still look like you're trolling for cancer in LA.
• Relatedly, I want to start an anti-tanning salon chain that spray-paints its customers white.  Call it "Seattle Sun" and market it to budding Queen Elizabeth I impersonators and those who are just dying to be like Edward Cullen.  The joke's on them, though: they'll literally be dying, since the paint is made of white lead.  Historically accurate, kiddies!
• The phrase "It takes all kinds" is sorely tested when it comes to starting a mosquito breeding colony in your back yard.
• Wish I were making that up.
• The grad student house on Halloween: turn off all the downstairs lights and hope the marauding children don't notice us.  Get off my lawn, you damn kids.