The Bowls of Bowl Season

I realize that of the three people two people, a ball of lint, and my imaginary friend who regularly read this blog, approximately none of them pay even the slightest attention to sports, so nobody will either read or be amused by this.  That being said, it is indeed "bowl season," and I feel it is worth my while to point out a few of my current favorites in the grossly bloated slate of bowl games to cap off this college football season.

• The Inequality Bowl, with an SEC practice squad facing off against the best team in Conference USA.  While CUSA's side loses every time by an average of 42 points, all analysts agree they did their very best and deserve a gold star for effort.
• The Disappointment Bowl, with Boise State and whoever they end up playing outside a BCS bowl.
• The Sponsor Us For The Love Of God Bowl, where a locality decided to host a bowl and never thought about how to pay for it.
• The Corporate Whore Bowl, which is to say, all of them.
• The Underachievers Bowl, where the best teams with losing records meet to determine who is the mediocrest.
• The Alleged Bowl, which does not actually exist.  It is merely a convenient fiction on the part of ESPN.  Of course, since ESPN is the only way most people know of the various bowl games, we then have to question whether any of them at all are real.
• The Unnecessary Bowl, the most recent addition to the pack, which is the result of some jackass seeing 70 teams going to a bowl each year and thinking, "You know, that's really just not enough."
• The Ha Ha Suckers We've Got Ours Bowl, which is no longer affiliated with anything but a roving horde of corporate sponsors who charge into a different town each year, hold the mayor hostage, and play a football game before vanishing into the hills with the loot.
• The Rules Committee Bowl, where the two teams with the worst NCAA rules violations of the year play to determine who takes home the coveted title of Most Scandalous.  The exciting matchup this year features the Penn State Molesters versus the University of Miami Payolas.
• The Subpar Bowl, which pits the two worst teams in the nation together for the mockery of the rest of the country.  The winners never play football again; the losers are fed to SEC linemen to fatten them up for market.
• The "BCS" "National Title" "Game," which in theory matches the two best teams in the nation in order to I can't even type this with a straight face.