Assorted Thoughts 38: Everything Is Wrong And It's Your Fault Edition

• The fact that it's easier to buy green chile from Albuquerque in Damariscotta, Maine and mail it to Norfolk, Virginia than it is to find said chile in Norfolk is a depressingly good example of absurdist comedy.
• The Ex-Files: I Want To Bereave.
• If someone were to watch nothing besides ads on the evening television news, they'd certainly be justified in assuming that there's nobody in the country under the age of 60.
• Memo to drug companies: if your ads spend less time promoting your product than warning of all the horrific side effects, they're not good ads.  Stop making them.
• What with the Citizens United decision and super-PACs, electoral finance is now basically one giant episode of "Whoever wins, we lose."
• My grandfather recently got perhaps the most intimidating fortune cookie ever printed.  The fortune read "Tomorrow Morning, Take a left turn as soon as you leave home" and I'm really not sure if there's a non-sinister way to interpret that.
• While it's a slanderous exaggeration to say I would sleep through everything, it's probably fair to say I would be unconscious for the majority of it.
• There are few things more satisfying than managing to talk your way onto an earlier flight home without a change fee.
• I actually like the fact that my laptop produces an insane amount of heat.  I use it as a portable space heater and electric blanket.
• There are some ads on the radio for what I presume are Trojan Bare Skin condoms.  However, every time I hear it, I think it's referring to Bear Skin condoms and I really don't think that's a very good use of bears or at all conducive to safe sex.