The Idea Is To Annoy People Until They Give Me Money To Go Away

Thankfully belated Valentine's card ideas:

• Valentine, I'd push you down the stairs of my heart.

• I would have anonymous cybersex with you.  Be mine.

• My Spied-On-Her senses are tingling.  You're my favorite.

• Our love is so pure, I'd snort it off a hooker's ass and die of an overdose.

• I am giving you this card in hopes that you might have sex with me.

• Happy Valentine's Day!  I lust you.

• Hallmark threatened to kill my family unless I bought this card for you.

• I will do anything, but please make the pink hearts stop.

• But why is the sanity all gone?

• Aaaggghhhgack.