To-Do List For World Dictatorship

• Force all swiveling executive chair setup instructions to include the phrase "make it so" somewhere in the text.
• Tell Israelis and Palestinians that if they don't stop, they'll both have to go sit in the corner in time-out.
• Institute segregated seating at baseball games.  One section for families with children, one section for casual fans (beer 15% cheaper!), and one section for real fans.  To get into the real fans section, you have to answer a question on how to score a play.
• During Raiders games, rename the Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum to the "Oakland Penitentiary Outpatient Facility."
• Deport Michele Bachmann and Glenn Beck for Crimes Against Sanity.  Deport them to Mercury.
• Decree that henceforth, the plural form of "chinchilla" will be "chinchillae."
• Ban "talent"-based "reality" TV shows, and additionally replace all daytime soap operas with "Desperate Entwives."
• Do what should have been done years ago and institute the Strategic Potato Reserve.
• Make the first and last days of deer season also hunter hunting season.
• The city of New York has lost its sports privileges.
• Those ISPs wanting to charge more for accessing certain sites and with draconian bandwidth caps will have to choose one member of the board of directors per five sites cut from general use.  This member of the board will be used to keep my kraken healthy and entertained.
• Especially unruly small children will be drafted into a rugby side and sent to face Samoa's national team.
• The Ayn Rand cultists will finally be given the freedom from regulation they crave so much, in the form of Prince George Land.  However, if they ever show signs of being too successful, mercenaries will be hired to pillage the island and steal their lunch money.