Comments From A Road Warrior

• I never know whether to be insulted or thankful that I seem to develop large pockets of empty road around my car on the freeway.
• Long drives: because personal, roadable aircraft are sadly still a thing of the future.
• Caltrops are a boy's best friend.
• You know you have a problem when you see your headlights picking out reflectors in the center stripe of the road and you start thinking about draw distances.
• In retrospect, having "Highway To The Danger Zone" playing on the car stereo as I blasted through twisty mountain roads in the dark at 60 miles per hour may not have been the best song for establishing a safe frame of mind.
• "Ride of the Valkyries," however, is absolutely the best song to be playing.
• When explaining your travel plans to your parents, concluding by saying "Don't worry.  They'll never take me alive," will in fact make them worry.
• Given the volume of caffeinated beverages I consume while on long drives, it's as easy to measure distance by the number of bathroom breaks needed as it is to actually read the odometer.
• Why is everyone but me a terrible driver?  For that matter, why is everyone else going the wrong way on this one-way street?
• Idea for solving California's budget crisis: stop using three speed limit signs to cover every possible eventuality (65 for most, 55 for trucks with three or more axles, 55 for people towing trailers… all listed on separate signs a few meters apart).  Given how many signs there are on even the smallest road, this should save an amount approximately equivalent to the GDP of Bangladesh every year.
• 3 days involving long drives, 13 total hours in the car, at least 7 empty bottles of Mountain Dew rattling around the passenger side of the car.