Hyperbolic Phrases I Wish Were Used More Often, Or Ever

• It was the biggest upset victory since the Christians ate the lions in the Colosseum in AD 93.

• I swear the thing was larger than the Indian subcontinent is after it's been dead and bloating in the sun for a few days.

• He was angrier than a steroidal Bruce Banner after the shirt bill arrives during the full moon and when Bruce has been dumped by his girlfriend and deported to Mogadishu.

• I'd hit it but get a BABIP of just .210.

• I think that was the worst idea since we gave bees submachineguns for arms.

• On the contrary, my dear sir, it's even worse than when the second grade took the class trip to the leper colony.

• That thought was deeper than the bottom of the Marianas Trench, if there was a guy with a jackhammer at the deepest bit who'd been drilling for like four years in the same spot and going as far down into the Earth's crust as he could go.

• This is the happiest I've been since I got drafted as bar entertainment for the nudist supermodel convention.

• That would be more difficult than getting a Tyrannosaurus and a chunk of gorgonian coral to produce viable offspring by means of sexual intercourse.

• I think he's dumber than a box of hammers that have been melted into slag and then lobotomized four times each.
• That depressed me so much I'm now being subducted back into the mantle.

And a bonus which is 100% true and not hyperbolic in the slightest:

• When the Red Sox won the 2004 American League pennant, I was so happy that I jumped off the couch, hit the ceiling with my outstretched arms, and broke a light fixture.